“I did what I thought I’d never do”

That’s what seven brave women declared after daring to step outside their sexual boundaries. Read their adventures in bed and then get ready to have some fun of your own.

One person’s “Gross!” may be your “Oh, yes!” What freaks you out in bed might be just a typical Saturday evening at your neighbor’s house. Something deeply romantic to your friend could make you roll your eyes. Everyone’s line in the sexual sand is different, but a lot of us have a mental note filed away about a deed we’d never do: an act too embarrassing, degrading, uncomfortable or perhaps even taboo. But, as the saying goes, “Never say never.” In fact, “pushing sexual boundaries can create excitement that fuels other aspects of your life,” says Julie Holland, M.D., assistant professor of psychiatry at New York University School of Medicine in New York City. Seven women (names have been changed for privacy) reveal what led them to take erotic leaps they swore they wouldn’t. Learn why breaking your commandments can be a source of growth and cause for celebration.

“I grew to love sex toys”
THE STEAMY SCENE: Natalie, 38, learned about sex from whispering classmates and Judy Blume’s Forever. As a teen, she began babysitting for a conservative family in her neighborhood. “I snooped around one night and discovered a dildo in the bedside table. It totally grossed me out!” All grown up 15 years later, Natalie developed chronic repetitive stress injuries in her wrists on her job as a data processor. When she told that the painful strain meant no more orgasms, one gave her a sex toy, in part as a joke. “I was so weirded out by the gift, but they say necessity is the mother of invention, so I began to use it a little.”
HOW IT FELT: “It produced a little heat, which was arousing, and I liked how the broad, flatted top felt stimulating all over,” Natalie says. “It felt so good that I quickly got over my anti-toy feelings.”

IS SHE NORMAL? According to a poll, 33% of you use sex toys, whereas 24% don’t own any now but would be game to give mechanical playthings a go in the future.

WANT TO TRY IT? Consider adding a small gadget such as a pocket rocket to your repertoire and invite your partner. Natalie hasn’t even used her toy with her husband yet, but says that’s “the next step, even thought I worry he’ll think I feel he’s inadequate.” Introducing a toy “might actually please your partner more than you think,” says Sharyn Wolf, a clinical social worker in New York City. “It may feel illicit, forbidden and exciting for him to see you so turned on. As long as you make it clear that it’s not about anything he’s lacking, but rather about bringing more play and eroticism to the relationship, you could find it’s not only you who reaps benefits.”

“I had a threesome”

THE STEAMY SCENE: “A friend of mine from work, Lisa, and I Had spent a sexually charged Saturday afternoon vibrator shopping,” says Melissa, 37. “We were at my house afterward, and I decided to call a mutual friend--actually, it was her ex, on whom I had a crush. He said he was at a party and we should come over.” The women showed up and began drinking; the guy encouraged them to kiss. They did, as much for him as for each other. After the party they agreed to go to his house. “By now, I was sober and it was kind of weird,” Melissa recalls, “but I ran with it. We all fooled around, then fell asleep.” Melissa woke up around 6 A.M. and slipped out without waking the other two. “I wasn’t ashamed; I just figured we’d all joke about it and move on.” But shortly afterward, Lisa woke up, caught up to Melissa and drove her home. In the car, “she made it clear that ‘this did not happen’ and I should never bring it up again.”

HOW IT FELT: “I tried to talk to my friend about that night a few times, but she always shut me down. She repeatedly insisted that nothing had happened, as if I had completely imagined it,” Melissa says. “It had permanently changed out friendship. Had I anticipated this kind of aftermath, I’d never have done it.”

IS SHE NORMAL? Fourteen percent of Americans have had a threesome, and 21% have fantasized about having one, according to an ABC News survey.

WANT TO TRY IT? “Threesomes almost never work out,” Wolf cautions. “One person always has a better time than the other two and that leads to conflict.” Which is why, she says, it’s essential to talk things through, preferably before you’re in bed and without drinking, something Melissa and her friends failed to do. “Often, one person is trying to convince the others about how great it will be, but they should also talk about what could go wrong,” Wolf says. Melissa isn’t sure why she jumped into the experience so fast; she has learned to take more time making sexual decisions.

“I tried back-door sex”
THE STEAMY SCENE: “I was dating a French guy,” says Nina, 38. “French! Extra hot! One night he rolled me onto my stomach and started kissing my back and went lower and lower, and I thought, Wait! I didn't know whether to be horrified, mortified, grateful that I’d showered or just turned on.... I was all those things at once! Then I thought, “OK, he’s a foreign guy! I have to do foreign things!’ I essentially gave myself permission to open myself up to try anal sex, something I swore up and down I’d never be into.”

HOW IT FELT: “I loved it!” Nina says. “It definitely hurt at first, but thankfully, my partner went slowly and used lots of lubricant, which I think is the key. If this person had told me in advance about what he was going to do, I would not have been up for it. But it just happened and wound up being a pleasant surprise.... Well, I thought I’d won a Girl scout badge in adult sexuality! I was proud of myself.”

IS SHE NORMAL? Thirty-five percent of women have had anal sex with a partner of the opposite sex, according to a survey by the National Center for Health Statistics in your boundaries, and you’re with someone who really wants to try it, “the most important thing is to talk about it,” Wolf says. Start the conversation with a few simple questions. How do you imagine it happening? How could we make it enjoyable for both of us? If your still not feeling it, be willing to say “no, thanks”--then describe what you do desire.

WANT TO TRY IT? “Take it slowly and let the receiver, not the giver, set the pace,” Dr. Holland advises. “If it is not pleasurable, stop. You don’t have to do it just to please your partner.” And until you’ve both been tested and are in a monogamous relationship, use condoms to protected against sexually transmitted diseases.

“I had an affair”

THE STEAMY SCENE: “Hugh and I married in a fairy-tale wedding when I was 23,” Fiona, 30, recalls. “ was swept up in all these romantic visions and was sure we’d have the happily-ever-after. Even though my dad cheated on my mom, I was certain that would never happen to us.” But the marriage quickly soured over political and other disagreements, and their sex life cooled just as rapidly. “He always had an excuse for his lack of desire,” Fiona says, “He was tired or stressed at work; it was his antidepressants; he didn’t like to do it in the morning--whatever. At one point I sobbed to him. ‘What’s wrong with me that you won’t have sex with me?” One weekend, she went with some friends to a music festival a couple of states away. “I was so lonely,” she says. “I think if the opportunity to cheat presented itself, my resistance would be low” Sure enough, she met Kyle at her friends’ campsite.” Hew as cute and flirty. In the little of a set, he kissed me,” she says. “That night, we did more.” Fiona and Kyle didn’t talk about the future. The next day, they said good-bye and Fiona returned to her husband, feeling confused. Did she want to save her marriage or not?

HOW IT FELT: The night she got home, Fiona and Hugh were in bed, and she went in for a cuddle. “He said, ‘I think we’re both too tired,” she recalls. “That’s when the piano fell on my head. I thought, I’ve done everything to make this work, and it’s not going anywhere.” The next evening after she got home from work, Fiona told her husband the marriage was over. They tried counseling, but it only solidified Fiona’s decision to leave. After the breakup, she accidentally-on-purpose met up with Kyle, “but my decision to split up wasn’t about wanting to be with Kyle; it was about realizing I needed out of my marriage.” Six months later, Hugh and Fiona divorced. Six month after that, she met Kyle at yet another music festival, and this time a real romance bloomed. “We’ve been together for a year now,” she says. “He’s much more like me than my sex. He’s funny, tolerant, and intellectually curious. Our relationship started as a fling, but it’s become much deeper. I’m glad an affair triggered the end of my marriage, because it made me see that I deserved to be happy.”

IS SHE NORMAL? About 15 percent of married women have had a sexual partner other than their spouse, according to Sex In America (Grand Central Publishing). “An affair isn’t always the cause of the demise in the marriage,” Dr. Holland says. “But it can be a critical symptom of its disintegration.”

WANT TO TRY IT? Although infidelity spelled doom for Fiona and Hugh, Dr. Holland says that sometimes such indiscretions can strengthen a union. “If you address the fundamental problems in the relationship, and if both partners are determined to save the marriage, an affair can be a chance to reestablish trust,” she says. (Indeed, roughly 35% of marriages stay intact after infidelity, according to David Barash, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of Washington at Seattle.) Still, she warns, “if you’re tempted to have an affair, you need to decide if you want to improve your marriage, make the affair into a real relationship or be alone to work on your self-esteem and goals.”